help each other.

i love this, almost more than i can stand.  it's from the tree of life and this scene is so precious to me.  first of all, this is one of my favourite piano pieces by couperin, and i play it all the time. secondly, THIS IS MY LIFE, or will be in the near future when the boys get a little older.  unfortunately, this clip ends too soon.  the following seconds show mom and boys running in a beautiful field and then napping on a blanket outside.  there is a voice over by chastain: "help each other. love everyone. every leaf, every ray of light. forgive", and the piano piece ends.  it makes me feel emotional every time...bittersweet and happy mixed together.   

this movie really is full of the most lovely moments.  


the other path.

so i got some itunes gift cards for christmas, which are pretty much my idea of heaven on earth. i get alone with my headphones and computer and feel like the queen of the world as i carefully choose my new music. if i lived alone (and had no responsibilities) i would sit like this for days on end, just listening and trying to find new artists. as much as i hate to admit it, music completes me. the right tune/bass line can make me feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest. it transcends me to another place, another mindset. if i dwell on my current favourites (or stay up all night listening to them) they're with me throughout the day. i think differently- i don't feel the need to talk. i can create, design, paint, compose...which leads me to my point. i should be composing. i do little melodies on the piano, but electronic music is what i hear in my head. i'm somewhere between jon hopkins and imogen heap.

when i discovered electronic music and realized what it meant to me, i took a fork in the road of my life. i remember the exact moment in college when the piano lab got the new midi software and i skipped classes all day to mess with it. i also remember going to a friend's house (who was experimenting with electronic music) and i got on his computer and composed in 15 minutes what he said would have taken him a week. he flipped out, and said i "had it" which of course i already knew. two distinct moments of clarity...

if i lived in this world all the time, i would not go to heaven. i would not have met my husband because i would not have gone to church. i would not have my beautiful children...i would live for new music, obsess completely over perfecting it and live at concerts. MUSIC WOULD BE MY GOD. my music isn't evil, it just consumes me. i'm really into several dozen artists and no one in the suburbs of texas knows them. i'll get the swan dress comment when i mention bjork, but my music is my own little secret, my escape. so private and intensely personal beyond even my own comfort level, but i relish in it (when i can) because i know that when it comes down to it, i can put it aside.